This morning I had a new P.I.C.C. line put in. It’s a semi-permanent I.V. that they implant into your upper arm in order to administer chemo, take blood, etc. I’ve had two of these before. The last time I had one put in it was unfortunately a very painful experience that ended with me in the emergency room. This lead to me being extra freaked out about the prospect of installing another one, even though at the end of the day it’s kind of a G-dsend, (anything is better than getting stuck with needles every single day). Luckily, the R.A. who did it this time was not only super knowledgeable, compassionate and concise, he was very cute too! (Call me)
It’s a 25 minute procedure, roughly. You don’t really feel anything while it’s being threaded into the vein, aside from the shots of lidocaine they use to numb you first. After it wore off however, it’s relatively uncomfortable. They need to put in a couple of stitches to hold it in place so I’m sure that has something to do with it…that and I have a plastic contraption lodged into my vein!
While the R.A. was quite lovely, I still felt the urge to just burst into tears on the table. I managed to suppress them fairly well, but having this line put it makes things feel VERY real. Realer than I’d like. It’s bringing me one step closer to starting treatment. While I’d like nothing better than to get this damn thing out of my body, it’s still not something I feel I am ready to do. I know I somehow managed to do it before therefore I must be able to do it again, but it doesn’t feel that simple. It’s like coming home from a tour of duty during a war having seen unspeakable horrors only to be told you have to go back. Easier said than done.